Dear PnP club,

I am very interested in pots and pans as a hobby. Do you have any literature on pot and pan collecting that i can use to read more information about this exciting hobby? Also, do you have any starter kits for collecting or color coded pot and pan racks that i can use to track my progress? If a pan has very tall sides what would it be called and where do double boilers fit into PnP family? I would like a catalog if it is in color, I have a disorder that doesn't allow me to see in black and white. Also, are you considering adding other types of containers to the club? I think there is a lot of demand for information about troughs, and large tumbler drinking containers.

John B. Shnitzerfellow

Mr. Shnitzerfellow,

It's refreshing to find others who appreciate the wonders of tubs and pots. Too often we neglect the marvel of seemingly simple containment implements. Unfortunately we only provide an online venue for tub and pot enthusiasts. We have no printed literature. However, please feel free to ask us any questions and we'll do our best to answer them in a timely fashion. I'll try to address your concerns individually.

  • 1) We have no starter kits, nor do we offer color coded pot and pan racks. I can point you to my favorite selection of racks, well, actually my second favorite set of racks. The friendly folks at offer fine products in a plethora of colors and mediums.
  • 2) A pan with very tall sides could be called several different things. Some of the more common monikers include:
    - safety pan
    - pot
    - saucepan
    - Larry
  • 3) Double boilers are quite a gem indeed! You are not alone in your classification confusion. Quite simply, a double boiler is nothing more than a pan-like pot within a pot-like tub. Some fanatics still dispute this, but I assure you that the standards were set at the 1997 Tub and Pot Convention.
  • 4) We sincerely regret our lack of print media and any genetic mishaps that may plague you and prevent you from seeing the black and white color spectrum. How fortuitous and serendipitous it is that the Tub and Pot Club's webpage is in full color!

    In closing I'd like to address your concerns about "other" containers. We are actively attempting to barter for a nice set of plastic mugs. Also, Pete wants some test tubes to play with. Keep us informed as to your Pot 'n' Tub progress. Try to keep a cool head, and don't get frustrated.

    Yours in service,


    p.s. Our club is for tubs and pots, not pots and pans. Fear not though, we are recognized experts in the pan field as well.


    I am so embarrassed! I was thinking that the Club was the POT and Pan club and it was really the TUB and Pot Club. I apologize for all of my ranting on about Pans and such but I am so interested in stovetop heating containment technology that I lost my head for a moment.

    my sincerest apology,

    John Shnitzerfellow

    P.S. I have a lead on some plastic glass/mug containers. They are circa 1989 and have colorful children's cartoon characters on them. I will let you know if i can lay my hands on them. Perhaps I could loan them to you for an evaluation period.(With a security deposit of course).


    No really, its OK. This sort of thing happens to us alot. There are a crapload of people like yourself who assume that our club is for cooking implements only. That is all well and good, but we ask that you investigate the miracles of tubs as well. Tubs generally don't have lids.

    As you know, we are looking for a nice set of plastic mugs. Your plastic tumblers might be adequate though. First, a few questions.

  • 1) Were these cup-like devices obtained at a fastfood restaurant?
  • 2) Are they used, or have they been in plastic storage containers?
  • 3) Exactly which cartoon characters are depicted on the cups?
  • 4) What colors are on the cups, and what is the background color?
  • 5) How large are the glass/mug containers?

    We are anxious to hear more about your goods. If your lead pans out (pardon the pun), we can offer a 9X13 stainless steel baking pan as a deposit while we evaluate your cups. For some reason our baking pan has become stained. It is relatively new and has been scoured several times, yet it is somehow stained. This is a rare find indeed! It is difficult to find a stainless steel pan that stains so readily. Let us know what you think.

    anxiously awaiting your response,


    I will keep this short as I am working on my new pot, pan and tub/plastic/glass/tumbler rack with color coded hanging protrusions and have very little time for correspondence. The lead on the tumbler set looks good! The present owner has been looking for a rack such as the one i am currently working on and the trade will most likely be done after the patent lawyers are done with the preliminary paperwork.

    Here are the details:

  • 1. The cups were obtained from an Odd Lots store in Topeka WA in the early 1990's by a Senator from a small state in the northeast as a present for his son who was leaving for college. I have very little information on how many hands they have been in since then.
  • 2. The cup/plastic/glass/tumblers have been used extensively and have various scratches and blemishes to prove the fact. None of them leak, there are five of them.
  • 3. The Cartoon characters are smurfs. They are depicted doing various smurf things like running away from a cat and baking. Two of them depict Smurfette.
  • 4.The cups all have houses or bluish green sky/grass backgrounds except for the one with that evil wizard that shows a big evil-looking castle.
  • 5. The glass/tumber/drinking containers(plastic) hold about 16oz of your favorite beverage like Coke.

    I am exploring the possibility of carrier pigeon delivery of cups and/or other containers and i think i can move your baking pan. My patent lawyer is in need of a pan such as the one you describe and i was thinking i could trade him for service.(he is already getting a percentage of profits from my rack). I will be in touch with any more developments. Please let me know if you get any hot leads.

    John Shnitzerfellow


    Ooohhhh! How exciting for you! I can't wait until all the red tape is sorted out. It's a shame that beaurocracy can offset the immediate gratification potential of tubs/pots/pans/tumblers/buckets/pails/etc...

    I have but a few more questions regarding our potential exchange.

  • Are the cups cylindrical, faux-conical, or irregular? As I am not a tumbler expert, I can not recall what year the more creative plastic cups became a pervasive force in containment culture.
  • Which evil wizard is depicted on the castle-background cup? Is it Gargamel, or one of the lesser known evil guest-wizards?

    There is one final holdup preventing us from finalizing this deal. Passenger pigeons are extinct.

    Good luck on your fabulous new rack. Let me know when it is complete as I am VERY interested in acquiring such a time-saving device.

    Good to hear from you again John,

    Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1998 11:02:11 -0500
    To: Flying Mantra!
    Subject: Re: PnP Questions



    ...hang in there.

    Date: Tue, 14 Apr 1998 16:56:20 -0500


    I am feeling very unwell, the condition i spoke of about seeing has metastasized into my hearing. I can only hear in B+W and I can only see in color and to top it off i can only feel the sensation "rough" with my touch sence. Also I can only taste things that are sour.

    This is putting a damper on my rack development. As I depend on my senses to help me with things like: stuff you do when working on racks!

  • The cups are conical with about a 2 inch base and came out during the hight of the plastic tumbler sensation (around 1989).
  • The wizard, I am informed, is in fact the aformentioned "Gargamel" however i have no independant confirmation of this information.

    I did not know that passenger pigeons were ectstink perhaps i will just have to drop the items off at your house on my way home from work....

    i think now that i was hoping maybe you have some lemons for me to suck on?


    psiamstillhavingtroublewiththepatentofficeandithinkthatmylawyeristryingtogetmeho okedonheroinsobecarefulloutthere

    Date: Fri, 17 Apr 1998 17:31:14 -0400 (EDT)


    I'm sorry to hear about your ill health. Perhaps there is some fnagled virtual-reality therapy available for your unfortunate and dibilitating conditions? Try this site. They look like very nice people.

    As for the plastic tumblers, it looks like a go! Have your laywer call my people and we'll take it from there. I was however hoping that the wizard was one of the lesser-known evil sorcerers, but what can you do?

    Yes, actually, passenger pigeons left us quite some time ago. The official story goes something like this...

    Passenger Pigeons lived in the eastern United States from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico, breeding in their northern habitats and wintering in the southern part of their range. They migrated across this range in numbers so huge that their flocks darkened the sky. A writer once described a migrating flock of the pigeons as "a column, eight or ten miles in length . . . resembling the windings of a vast and majestic river." In 1808 a single flock in Kentucky was estimated to contain over 2 billion birds. Today, in a stunning example of the human potential for destruction, the Passenger Pigeon is extinct.

    During the years of westward expansion, enormous numbers of eastern chestnut and oak trees, the main source of food for the Passenger Pigeon, were cleared to make way for farms, homesteads, and towns. Moreover, the birds were believed to be a menace to crops, while they seemed to be an inexhaustible supply of food for both people and their pigs. With the extension of the railroad in the 1850s, the pigeons could be easily shipped to city markets, increasing the numbers in which they were hunted. The combination of all these factors wiped out the Passenger Pigeon. The last one, which lived in the Cincinnati Zoological Garden, died on September 1, 1914.

    I however suspect more a more devious and dark design.

    Hmmm... lemons... is that a euphemism of some sort? And who the hell is your legal advisor anyhow?


    ps thanks for the info on refinishing porcelain tubs. It was very stimulating.


    My legal advisor had identified himself to me only as "Adventure Man!" (he says it with an exclamation point). I am starting to question his sanity as he routinley does irrational and erratic things, like turning down sex from horny groupies and bitching about his color changin bowls. I understand his fetish for kitchen containment technology but aren't goupies almost as good as color changing bowls? This brings me to the new subject i have been thinking of: are there groupies for Tub and Pot enthusiasts? I have been looking for a couple of groupies to hang out with and fondle my new Tub that i just got from a guy online. I like the tall, smooth sides and the wide bottom. I have spent countless blissfull hours feeling and petting my new Tub. Once i forgot to check the mail for like two hours after it arrived. Let's just say it's a good thing my new tub is waterproof. My condition has cleared up and i when i asked my doctor if i was normal he just got a blank look on his face and had sort of a silly grin.. I will take that as a good sign.

    I have to go touch my tub now and check the mail. I think a pan might be on the way.

    John S.


    I am still uncertain as to where you found this lawyer. Being that you're in Wyoming, I checked out the Wyoming Bar webpage... alas, your superhero of a legal advisor is a charlatan! (hence his propensity towards specious behavior - or perhaps he is an overzealous, altruistic, semi-germanic, tub & pot enthusiast on a mission? God only knows.) As far as your groupies inquiry goes, we at Tub and Pot Central feel that only a Tub and Pot groupie would be "almost as good as a color changing bowl." And yes, amazingly enough, there are at least two registered Tub and Pot groupies - though they've aparently changed phone numbers recently… or something. Who is your doctor? What's all this hoo-haw about mail checking?

    Yours in service,

    Flying Mantra Tub & Pot Division


    A little update on "things" that I have been doing, since I have not been a very good correspondent as of late and my trousers have been falling off of my rear. I will fight the powers that be for my rites and rights...

    The aforementioned "Adventure Man!" has been exposed as a fake and he ran off with my rackplans, probably to a third world country. The FBI is on the case but with all of the aluminum foil freaks out there they are a little overloaded, they also have some Jan Reno chick to deal with. Apparently some of the agents burned the fuck out of some innocent people and made them not live anymore. This is a bad thing says some.

    I am not officially a failure now that my rack plan has been gone. I spend much of my time fashioning special "ear hats" from empty camel light (BOX) cigarette packages, (they are not selling well) I also spend a great deal of time organizing my metal dinner plate collection and packing them in my plastic tubs. Unfortunately the Tub groupies never showed up to fondle

    I think the next phase (hot thing) in ear hats is fur. If the earhats had maybe pink fur on them people would REALLy start going nuts for them. But then they might become a fad and i don't like fads at all! I will try glewing some fur onto a few and then maybe name them like beanie babies.

    If you have any ideas for names of Ear hats (TM) please let me know as i respect your opinion as an innovator.

    I have to cut this short as i have to go eat four pounds of prunes, it's a treatment for my copremesis.

    With ample respect,

    John S.


    Just a little addition to my last line that i had been dropping your way. Perhaps you could use your extensive resources to locate a few T+P groupies? I prefer young (21 years or younger) females with lots of body hair and big thingies, they should be smarter than Hillary Clinton and like Tubs and Pots. They must be crazy about me and my huge T+P collection (over 10 dozen containment devices in all including the cookie sheets) they must drool uncontrollably when i walk into the room with my new Tub and say "OH give it too me now big Tub boy!" real loud with a gleam in their eyes and then throw tea cups. This is my fantasy, and also i need a video tape of elephants screwing to watch while me and my groupies play "HIDE the TUB find the POT"... I would like at least three.

    I await your response with stuff,



    I too am appalled about the Waco incident. Our government seems to have its collective head up the asses of the masses - not to mention those of their own. I wish you'd've sent me a copy of your rack plans before they were sequestered. Your ingenuity and color-coding schemes were years and yards ahead of the rest of the rack-making pack. I am sorry to hear of your loss. The road to full recovery will be slow and bumpy (like my friend Charleene,) but your EarHat (TM) project sounds like a good route to me. My suggestions for earhat names are: Larry, Charleene (out of respect,) Norman Postaler, and Furry Thing on your ear that is pink. Realize though that this is not my forte. If you would like to place an EarHats (TM) banner advert on the Tub and Pot Club page to increase sales, that would be fine. I'm certain we could barter for promotional consideration.

    I've halted my efforts to contact the aforementioned tub and pot groupies. I suspect they are they victims of alien abduction. What else could explain the difficulty we are having in locating them? If you are interested in just a "pot groupie", those are much easier to find, though they are usually either on a couch looking sleepy or cavorting about with some sort of metalbanger near Toledo.

    Thanks much for the picture of the two of the Smurf cups. We've recently acquired a wonderful Smurf plate and cup table setting. (We did not get the Smurf utensils in the trade). If you are willing to exchange the 5 cups for the matching plate and cup, I think we have a deal.

    What is copremesis? Is that slang for some sort of mal-poofactory condition?


    Certified Container Expert
    Flying Mantra Tub & Pot Division


    Here is a picture of what i could remember of the rack design. I know that is isn't really that much but i was under a lot of stress while i was designing the "rack of life and freedom" (TM) that my bastard lawyer ran of with of the plans of it with. Now i am not telling anyone about my "EARHATs of love and produce" (TM) that about them for the stealing of them might happen to me again. I like the idea for names of them being named after Charleene (it's a nice name, a little like my mothers maiden name: "Chuck". I will also name one "EARHAT OF love unity and castrated moniker toast" (TM) (pending) chuck also too as well. In clarification of; in addition to: the name being "chuck".

    Sorry if that is a little dense but I have to be legal about things.. and other stuff too!!!!

    The earhat banner i will be working on for the page.. I need to get a famous model to model them and I know they will sell like nothing before except maybe pudding in those little one serving cups. Imagine if they had had fur on them and names!!!

    I am sending you the Tumbler drinking containers depicting smurfs and a cat and a castle. One of them was slightly damaged during the proto-type phase of another one of my projects involving a spatula shoulder harness line of products with detachable knobs (I have dropped the idea, the market wasn't ready yet)

    I will gladly take "pot groupie" rather than the regular kind. I will make a trip to toledo at my earliest chance. Although with time i hope that my gaggle of "pot groupies" will eventually get off the couch fondle my TUBS and play other container games... Thanks for the information!!!!

    Copremesis is a nasty condition of severe constipation, so bad in fact that the sufferers vomit their own feces.. It is very uncomfortable for me.

    With utmost care,

    John G. T. P. Shnitzerfellow P.H.D

    P.S. How did you know what state of the America i was in?

    P.P.S. Do you think earhats could be considered kitchen containment technology if they were worn in the kitchen? They sort of contain the ears of the wearer. Not all tubs are used in the kitchen, some are in bathrooms.

    P.P.P.S. It's too bad about the aliens and the groupies.

    PPPPPS when is the next TnP CON?


    Determining your home state was actually quite easy. The closing "yachooie" used on one of your previous emails was the first giveaway. Only one Native American tribe, the Algonquian, use such language. The second clue, your disorder preventing you from seeing things in black and white is obviously a trait common to the Arapaho sect. Being that the Arapaho are a Native American tribe of Algonquian linguistic stock, originally inhabiting what is now Minnesota and later the plains between the Yellowstone River and Río Grand - and given that at an unknown time the Arapaho formed a permanent alliance with the Cheyenne, but, unlike the Cheyenne, they were friendly toward white settlers. AND The Arapaho were a nomadic tribe whose art and religious ceremonies exhibited advanced characteristics of Plains culture, especially in the sun dance and POTTERY. It was then simple to derive your location knowing that 99% of the tribe now lives in settlements with the Shoshone in Wyoming!

    The picture you sent of your potrack is marvelous! I've enlarged it and printed it out on my photo-quality laser printer and had it framed. It now resides on the mosaic tile under our potrack over the stove. However, I can not make heads or tales of the schematics.

    I anxiously await the arrival of the Smurf Tumblers. I've packaged the plate and cup and just sent them off today. It is interesting that you accidentally damaged one of the tumblers. Just yesterday, I was playing with the smurf cup and plate and accidentally wrote all over the cup with my magic markers! I took a picture just before I sent them off. On a similar note - I was browsing through my old vinyl the other day and found the Gargamel theme song. I have added a link to it on the original Gargamel page. A few years ago I accidentally spilled some Mountain Dew on my record player so it plays everything kind of slow. Gargamel's voice isn't usually that low.

    I have no particular affinity to Kitchen containers. We here at the Flying Mantra Tub and Pot Club are into all sorts of containment technology.

    We are currently securing a large facility for this year's convention. We are also attempting to partner with a few hotels in the area so as to avoid the throngs of tub and pot enthusiasts sleeping, peeing and otherwise being on my floors for a whole weekend - as has happened in the past.

    Keep me posted - except about the copremsis. That sounds nasty


    p.s. thanks for the Tori Spelling EarHat (TM) promo pics. I'm thinking you have not spoken with her agent yet.

    (John has not responded to our last several emails. If you've heard from him, please let us know.)


    Dear dan-

    Sorry i have not been in touch lately. i apologize a whole bunch- but i have been hopping on the next big thing: BUG GARMENTS!! It seems that bug enthusiast have been without a reliable source for dressing bugs in stylish apparel- in the past they had to fashion bug clothing from whatever they had laying around like bits of lint or toilet paper or spoiled pudding- very unstylish!! I am hoping that this new project overlaps with the tub and pot club agenda in some way so that you can help me promote my new magalog FlyBug! BUGfasion also why did you change the page? I liked the old look better; it looked all crappy and cheap and the aesthetic fit better with my ideas of what things are like when you look at them like I do. What can we do with this thing we have found in our sock?

    My bee pants are going to sell like last seasons roach hats and the fly button fly fly jeans.. Better jump on the bugwagon now before it gets tooooo hot!!

    With respect as always,

    John B. Shnitzerfellow

    p.s. have you ever heard of a place called fasion bug? their lawyers are sending me letters about something.


    We were beginning to think you'd either drowned in your own copremesis shit-vomit or converted to those freaks over at the tube and pipe club. Needless to say, I for one am glad to hear you're OK… or as well as can be expected.

    The legal mumbo jumbo you forwarded to me from Fashion Bug® was titillating. You can probably continue to disregard it as your specious lawyer has suggested. Really, who would send coupons and a subpoena in the same envelope if they were really serious about pursuing legal action?

    I'm thinking they're probably peeved because your Bug Fashion promotional materials look a little bit like the Fashion Bug's promotional materials. Perhaps you should contact your lawyer to pursue litigation, as they appear to have genuinely imitated your layout.

    Our web-design team briefly experimented with frames on the website. Frames suck. Popular opinion proved this - and we accordingly switched to a traditional frame-free layout. Aside from the thematic, unifying banner and navigational table, the content is pretty much the same.

    I'm sure we can find an excuse to squeeze a banner-ad for your "magalog FlyBug! BUGfasion" somewhere on the site. Let me know how things (lawsuit) progress.


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